By Dan Cook for Apostoic Venn blogcast.
You have come to realize that you are not happy.
A person does not do what you wish them to do.
They may be caught in a sin.
If so, love covers a multitude. Tell them in love, and call them to repentance.
What if not a sin?
Well then, can you describe what you wish them to do?
If yes, tell them. They are either doing what makes them happy, or acting on some duty that is more important to them than happiness. If you tell them, they may choose to sacrifice some portion of which it is, to facilitate your happiness. Life is made of sacrifice.
If no, you are in a most difficult position indeed, and deserving of pity. For how can others be expected to act upon that of which they are ignorant?
A mole cannot act on your wish that he stop making holes in your yard. He does not know what a yard is. He does not think that holes are unwanted. To him, they are the most wanted thing; the highest calling of a mole.
Even less can another human behave in the manner you wish, undefined and unspoken.
Even less should another behave according to your wish, if misaligned with their own calling.
“The mole makes me unhappy” you say.
But no, the mole does not. He takes the next right action of a mole.
Better to say, “I am unhappy that the mole has a different calling than my own.”
This is honest.
But futile.
No more can another person become you than the mole. No more can your husband inhabit your wishes. No more can your wife act upon an unexpressed command.
Mourn the narrow cage in which we are all confined. We cannot inhabit any other head but our own.
Weep for us.
Nash your teeth.
Rail and rage against that cage.
It will avail nothing. To that prison we are doomed, and there is no escape.
Yet this prison is also a blessed fortress, for sufficient for each man is his own trouble.
We can understand that it is not within our power to make others happy. We can love them. We can take action toward what is good for them.
It is this that we vow, at the marriage altar.
It is this that we vow, at the baptismal font.
It is no other thing.
But the father, training a lazy son to work and be diligent, cannot force happiness in duty upon him. He can demonstrate. He can scold or appeal. He cannot make.
We cannot make one other person happy.
This much is easy to understand, and impossible to refute.
We cannot seem to learn the inverse.
It is not in their power to make us happy.
The clever young man, with whom you are in love: He will not spend his life making you happy.
Not before the vows are made, and not twenty years after.
Why?
He cannot. It is not in his power.
The young woman, whose face, form, and sweet temper fill you with passion.
No matter which words you exchange, she will not spend her life making you happy.
Why?
It is impossible for her. It is not in her power.
Therefore, it is not right to say “He or she makes me happy.”
Rather, that “I am happy with he or she.”
You have come to realize that you are unhappy.
Your happiness is yours alone. It is a cellmate of your mind, and no one else’s.
No other can craft it for you. No needle can inject it.
You alone have access to the ingredients.
You alone can select them.
You alone can brew the potion.
You have come to realize that you are unhappy.
You are left with two choices.
Change what makes you happy.
Or chase happiness no more.
There is better and higher to chase.
Duty is higher. Calling is higher, and obedience.
For we will hear “well done” or “not well done.”
None will hear, “Because you lived happy,
Enter into the joy of your Lord.”
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